Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Just In Case You Noticed

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Last week, in order to become a more dedicated "blogger," I did something that was probably considered strange.

I went on my Facebook account and I created a page specifically for my blog and then proceeded to delete all of my "friends" off of my friends list. Only my family and "might as well be family" remained.

I was feeling like I made the correct decision until I received a message. The little red notification popped up and I thought, "Yay! My grandma must need help with her printer." I was a bit off-taken when I read, "I noticed you must have unintentionally deleted me off your account. No, you must have intentionally done it. That's fine, I understand, I just wanted you to know that I noticed."

Tears flooded my eyes. Not the kind where you think, "Oh no, I have hurt someone." They were the tears of, "How dare you!" I took a big breath, and responded gracefully. After stewing over if for the day, I realized, "I have not prayed about this!" So I did.

"God, my heart is wounded. I am doing what you asked and am being lashed out at for it. It wasn't personal to any of my friends. Lord, Facebook is my idol. I waste my time on it more than I live for you. I scorn and envy and compare. My life is full of jealousy and anger because I can't get off of there! I never meant to hurt anyone. Now I am angry and frustrated. Please bring me peace and comfort. Confirm in me the plans you have for me in your word (Jer. 29:11). Soften my heart. Explain to me what that may have meant in light of my choices to serve you."

Now see, on the outside, my family really seems to have it all. We follow Dave Ramsey, we go to church, my husband doesn't yell at me, my 2.5 children are healthy, we have two mostly rust free cars, we give to others, and our home has a Bible verse hung in each room that our perfectly fluffy goldendoodle follows me around in. It looks great.

But on the inside of me, I am a sinner. I am a person in need of redemption. I struggle. For me, Facebook amplified that struggle.  I would log on to see all the cool things my friends were doing. Hikes, home improvements, new purchases, the flowers for their anniversary, something their husband built, a big move, an accomplishment their child has done, and a vacation they took with perfect scenic pictures to prove it. An hour later I would still be browsing at that check in at the local coffee shop with a friend, or that retreat with their group of friends, or that...  yep. There goes my heart and my attitude.

"Must be nice to get a new car, again." was my thought. What I should have been focusing on is, "Thank you Lord for my two very reliable cars in the garage that are paid for." "I want a kitchen like hers," should really be, "Lord, we have a kitchen full of food. I am so grateful." The worst, "She looks so much better than me after five kids than I look after just three." Where was all this coming from? My rotten heart condition.

I realized that I cared more about the opinions of people who do not know anything about me more than I cared about the opinion of the one who created me just the way he wants me to be in the very situation I am in.

You see, I wanted to compete with that. I wanted to keep up with the Jones'. "Nice minivan soccer mom, look at my TAHOE!" Friends, that is sin. That is my sin.

In order to please the Lord he says in Matthew 5:29 (NLT), "So if your eye--even your good eye--causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

I had to make a change in order to be able to stand in front of God. My private sin had to be taken care of and that meant social media needed to be weeded out. God wants all of our being to glorify him. If we Christians want to rain the glory of God through out the world, we need to have his glory in every fiber of our body. Even in our secrets, no, especially in our secrets. God knows the condition of our hearts, even if we hide it. God goes there without an invitation and he sees past the way we try to justify having sin there.

So, if any of the rest of you noticed that you are no longer on my account, you are hopefully on my blog fan page. Let me tell you what is amazing about all of this for me.

My conversations used to consist of, "I saw on Facebook that you..." In the middle of a long talk the phrase, "Oh, yeah, I saw that on Facebook!"  What a killer! The topic would end there. "Oh, you already know." Genuine conversation cannot be had when you already know what is to be said! For me, a contact list in your phone is so much more important that a friends list on your screen.

My dear friends, I love you. I love you all. I want you in my life, but I want you in my life so I can be having genuine conversation with you. I want to be happy for your new houses, cars, and children's accomplishments. I want to see your beautiful anniversary flowers. However, I want to see them IN your house. I want you to come visit me in mine. I want to bump into you at the grocery store and I want to say, "How have you been?" and I really, really want to mean it. Because right now when I ask you, I get the run down of your news feed over the last week. That's not genuine. That's public.

This is true for me and in need of repentance before my Savior. Maybe your convictions are not the same here because this isn't your sin to carry, but I know for me personally, I'd rather ditch social media than risk my witness of Christ working through me.

Maybe you are no longer on my friends list but you still are my beautiful friends that I trust to carry my baggage and do life with me. So if you want to know what I have been up to, call me and ask. You will be surprised because you won't have generically read it voiced on a public forum. If you want to hear about my five year old who is teaching herself how to play a poorly tuned guitar via YouTube, then we can meet at the park and let the kids play while we chat. Even better, if you want to know about how the basement remodel is coming or what color I painted my kitchen, come over to my house. I will brew a pot of coffee and show you around.
Titus 1:8, "But hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined."


Rebekah Stone said...

I love you! You are always in motion...moving towards your light(Light). I am constantly convicted when I hear you pour your heart out about what God is doing in your life (soul). Keep inspiring ...don't be silent!!!

Ange said...

Great read! If you need to delete me again you can. If I lived closer I would come visit you at the drop of a hat! ♡

Mad-Bomber Mama said...

I am glad I found your blog!! I saw that you unfriended me and I wondered what I did wrong! haha. Love your writing and love your heart. <3

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