Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Just Wait Till Your Dad Gets Home

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

As moms, especially say at home moms, we all have days where our kids are one step away from losing a life. I have texted my husband telling him that I have reached my breaking point. I have told my dear friends that, "I just don't know what else to do anymore, nothing I do is working." Sometimes it feels like what we do as moms, all day long, is absolutely fruitless.

How many times can we abuse the verse, "Do unto others as you'd want them to do unto you." How many times have we constantly said, "Respect others, use your manners, be a blessing, I don't care if you don't want to do it, I am asking you to be obedient, I said 'no,' wash your hands, don't put that in your mouth..'' I have been there. I have simply sat down at nap time and cried and said, "Lord, what am I doing wrong? How can I keep screwing this up? My children are going to be in jail when they are sixteen!"

There are times as a mom, where I feel like I rock in my skills. I can do the dishes, one handed, as I am baking the bread, and dinner was already in the crock pot, laundry is done, and my own teeth are brushed. To top of those days, I even give a verbal lesson on the character of Jesus and why the Bible says what it does and that's why we implement it in our home and my toddler gets it.

Then there are the days, when I walk out and crayon is on the wall and they ate a whole bag of marshmallows and a nice blood stain on the brand new guest bedroom comforter. Before lunch there is a full blown fist fight and words of hate spewed between them and the only way for me to break it up is to make them nap. Then they are out of bed every two seconds for "water" and "bathroom break." A new exorcism type scream fight will ultimately break out before I go back and I say the words, "Just wait until your dad gets home. You will regret your decisions you are making today."

We have all said them. The phrase seems really harmless, really.

Until the other day when I texted my husband explaining that I don't know my purpose anymore. My five year old has the attitude of a teenager. My two year old is the most strong willed, independent, dependent human being I have ever known, and my infant, well...

I explained to him, via text, that I was done. I couldn't deal with the attitudes anymore. He got a bullet point list of every single thing that happened and he said it, "Oh boy, just wait till I get home from work."

I was instantly struck with guilt.

We let what happens in Vegas, stay in Vegas. Why can't what happens at home stay at home? This is a hard concept for me. I feel like my husband gets to go to work, come home, and then "check out." I work all day and he comes home and I still have to feed everyone, do the cleanup and then bath, brush teeth, read a book, pray, tuck in, grab the water, pray again, take the book away.. you get the point. When do I check out? When Dad gets home and steps in.

I felt so bad that my husband's initial reaction to coming home is, "What went wrong and what do I have to do to punish someone?" I hate that my kids think of dad coming home as, "Dad is going to be mad and I'm going to get it!" If dad keeps coming through the door like Thor, they will eventually believe that dad is only full of wrath. It's my job to change that, not enhance it. I have come to realize that I do not want their dad to be my biggest weapon. I want their dad to be my biggest ally. In order to do these things, I want to change these things.

1) Deal with drama myself. We have three girls. I doubt the drama will die down at any point. I want to pray more, ask God more, and find out what I can do in order to mend the issues myself. Maybe it's as simple as kneeling down to make eye contact, maybe not. But I need to believe my role and consistency is important. That what I can do is change things.

1 Corinthians 15: 58 says, "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."  

As a homemaker, my children are my work of the Lord. My husband does not call me when someone calls in sick or doesn't finish a project he has asked and expect me to "fix it." I should consider the same. This means, I do the work, get in the Word, and learn to pick my battles.

2) Unless it's major, keep  my mouth shut. Unless one of my teenaged toddlers runs away or is seriously hurt, I want to keep my husband focused on his job. I don't want him at work focusing on the fact that his women are falling to pieces when he is away. If what is going on here is not life threatening, he can wait to hear about the crayon, attitudes, and emotions after the girls are tucked into bed and we have our time to talk. This way, he is my team mate there to give advice and encouragement instead of my verbal punch bag. God holds us together when mothering is tough, not our husbands.

Colossians 1:17
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

When I live with the girls' father as my weapon, that's exactly what they will view him as. When I make his homecoming full of dirty work, not only are my girls not excited to see him, my husband is  not going to be excited to come home.

3) Make dad's homecoming exciting. Chances are, if my kids are excited that dad is home from a long day, are excited to greet him, and want to play, my husband will also be excited to play. I will get positive alone time instead of being in the fetal position somewhere in the dark while dad hands out punishment and tears ensue. I will hear laughter and positive tones. I set the tone in the home during the day. My husband cannot help me with that but God can. He can grow me to be a positive, cheery, creative role model that I was born to be. If that doesn't give me purpose as a mother and homemaker, I don't know what will.

Moms, what we do is hard but what we do has purpose. We can do this, and our hard work will pay off! Let's set the tone in our home so when we say, "Just wait until your dad comes home," we can finish off strong with: "It's going to be amazing."

Galatians 6:9
And let us not grow weary of doing good,
 for in due season we will reap a harvest,
 if we do not give up.

1 comment :

lynn lammar said...

Beautifully written. Wow never thought of this perspective. Thank you for sharing.

Post a Comment

Proudly designed by Mlekoshi pixel perfect web designs